The past year has been interesting and fulfilling. I had a productive year, with creatively challenging projects; although my future work path is clearer than it has been in years, I still look forward to the unknown that is 2010.

What I am sure of is that as long as I share it with my wife and children, the New Year will be simply wonderful.

In glorious color...

Getting into the Xmas spirit... with a few ducks.

Having a personal work of mine open to praise and criticism has been an interesting experience. Admittedly, the positive comments can be quite uplifting and inspiring, and are preferred to the negative ones.

What confuses me is how some folk tend to over-analyze media according to their personal views, refusing to acknowledge any merits of a given work. I never claimed to be a fabulous writer, but I hope that folk who are introduced to my webcomic can appreciate the effort and passion that went into creating it.

I look forward to producing more webcomics with other ideas, to see how they in turn will be received.

I've found a struggle recently between satisfying my creative whims, and paying the bills. As a freelancer, I'm asked to draw what folk request; don't get me wrong, just being able to draw for a living pleases me very much, so this isn't a complaint.

It's just that I often wish I had the financial freedom to work on my own projects. It's been said that following one's passion ultimately leads to success, but I've always hesitated to put aside paying work to focus on vanity projects. There's always the chance that my concepts properly developed/presented could become sources of income, which only adds to my confusion.

Time management is the obvious answer; working on personal projects during 'free' time will help me scratch my creative itches.

I consider myself truly blessed to find myself in such a quandry.

Confidence is a strange thing, elusive like quicksilver, yet extremely potent.

I've been drawing many years, since my teen-age years. Only recently have I started to feel good about what I was producing, noting less mistakes. Having Slam McCracken chosen by Zuda to compete this month was a huge boost; suddenly, my half-baked concepts don't seem so, well, half-baked, and I'm starting to convince myself that I'm a 'webcomic creator'.

I've always known that I wanted to pursue my own ideas, rather than bring someone else's to life. With renewed confidence (ah, that word again), perhaps next year will finally see more of my ideas published, either on the web, or by some print-on-demand service.

Definitely, to be continued....

One thing I'm definitely guilty of is enjoying the security of routine.

I like to eat at specific times, work until a specified hour, watch the same shows. It's comforting, yet I realize that deviating from a routine can be quite rewarding. Trying new things can be intellectually and emotionally stimulating, it simply requires taking a leap.

The fear of having a secure routine disrupted is a waste of energy; I'm trying to learn to be more impulsive, but I must admit it's a daunting challenge. Fact is, I'm tremendously happy with my life: I'm blessed with an interesting career choice, a wonderful wife, and terrific kids. My routine fits me well, and isn't crippling or resulting in any feelings of unhappiness.

Watching Oprah with my wife the other evening opened my eyes to how values and culture vary so much across the world. The priorities of North Americans seem alot different than those of folk in other countries.

It made me feel good that I've tried to base life decisions on trying to be 'happy'. To that end, spending time with my wife and focusing on my children makes me happy, and I'm glad I'm not trapped by the 'dream' shoved down our throats by society.

We all have the tremendous power of making choices, I always pray for the wisdom to make the right choices for me.

In glorious digital color

Here's the piece colored. I learned a few tricks on the fly that will help me on my next one (I'm not terribly experienced with digital art).

My wrist hurts, but it was fun!

New assignment

Here's the rough sketch of a new piece I'm working on. I like fantasy art, and this piece should look great once colored digitally.

A couple quick thoughts

I'm always amused by the relative aspect of time; when busy, it seems as if the hours fly by, but when doing something unappealling, the seconds tick by agonizingly slow.

I had a dream last night where I was literally walking on air. My dream self 'knew' how to do it, was comfortable, and enjoyed walking a short height above the ground. Very strange.

If an artist falls in the forest, will anybody hear?

It's frustrating to realize that skill isn't the main component of success these days; marketing, on the other hand, is.

Talent is irrelevant unless one knows how to promote oneself. In my years working for others, rarely was the most qualified or hard-working person promoted or rewarded; it was the most visible folk who knew how to play the social game.

One thing I've decided recently is that it is essential I improve my skills at becoming noticed; this is the only way I'll be able to continue to survive as a freelance artist, and may help me in achieving my webcomic/publishing dream down the line.

Looking back, looking forward

It's been a hoot, looking through years of artwork jpegs in order to assemble samples for a new site (thanks for the help, babe!). Recently, I've questioned my abilities, wondering if illustration was in fact the direction I should continue to pursue. I tend to be very tough on my own work; out of the hundreds of jpegs I perused, only a couple dozen were good enough (in my eyes) to act as a showcase for my abilities.

On the flip side, I came across several pieces that I found strong and well crafted, a source of inspiration and motivation.

I realize that many assignments aren't great because my heart wasn't in them; it's a huge challenge to find work that is appealling or interesting for any creative person. That's why it probably makes sense to self-publish my own concepts, become my own boss.

One step at a time...

Heart vs mind

I've always found myself struggling between logic and emotion. Often I find myself over-analyzing things, leading to emotional outbursts (which are usually unwarranted).

It's interesting how the mind and heart are directly linked; being a complete human being requires a nice balance of the two, which is a definite challenge. Making decisions solely based on rational deliberation is a mistake; one must access one's spiritual side as well.

Again, it's a question of balance, as well as trust in one's very self.

Becoming a well rounded, emotionally stable, adjusted person is certainly alot of work!

The next step

After years of working for others, I have the itch to do my own thing.

Actually, I have been 'doing my own thing' for a few years now.

When my storyboard career imploded spectacularly a few years back, I felt the video game industry might be the answer. An unpleasant job at Ubisoft convinced me otherwise. I realized that I prefer to be self-directed, since being told what to do by folk who seem clueless is rather annoying. I've always had a solid work-ethic, and the lifestyle of working at home continues to appeal to me. Hey, I get to see my beautiful wife and kids all the time, one cannot place a price on that.

Freelance illustration is a precarious job choice; there's tremendous competition, and being noticed is incredibly difficult. I've been extremely fortunate to eke out a living with my pencil so far; the big question remains if I can continue to do so.

One day at a time....

Old stuff is better

Media today is pretty lousy.

An unfair generalization, of course, but I won't budge on it.

Let's take movies; it's been along time since I've felt exhilerated watching a film. Recent films seem to be cookie-cutter productions dictated by marketing strategy, rather than attempts at telling a poignant story or delivering a unique personal vision. Movies used to be events, pure escapism; now they're just fodder for dvds, to be released and rereleased to 'collectors'.

Music? Radio is in a state of complete disarray; artists focus on reworking or sampling good tunes from yesterday, rather than attempting to produce a track that stands out from the commercial pap directed at teen-agers and their ipods.

I feel books is a bright light in this gloomy scenario; entertaining tomes continue to be published, and encouarging folk to read should be paramount.

Of course, my perspective is biased. I believe that the 60s and 70s delivered music that can never be touched (the 80s were not too shabby as well); the 70s and 80s produced wonderful movies that can be watched over and over.

In other words, I look fondly on 'old' stuff, and consider 'new' stuff crap. I guess I've become a stereotypical 'old fart' after all!

Aches and pains

One cliched (can't figure how to do an accented e with my keyboard) complaint of getting older is aches and pains. Professional football players usually retire well shy of their fourth decade on account of the wear and tear caused by their profession.

I personally wish I was pain free. My spine is unkind, keeps me from being all I can be.

Pain does force me to be grateful for little things, and I tend to appreciate 'good days'. I've been in discomfort so long, I'd probably feel wrong if I suddenly felt 'right'. On my to-do list for the next year is to get a serious check-up, although the prospect of that particular chore bothers me very much. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

One day at a time has always been my mantra, and will continue to be so. I'm fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive wife, and two wonderful kids who often help me forget the aches and pains.

When I grow up...

I want to be... hmph.

I've always struggled with that particular question. As an adolescent, I liked books and drawing. I dreamt of becoming the next George Perez, and even did a wonky Teen Titans comic book on lined foolscap.

I started in retail quite young, and didn't mind the routine; customers interrupting my watching of the Price is Right (on a badly hidden, tiny black and white television) I did mind. High school, my first stint at college, and University offered no answers; I realized that I was ok at Math, hated Geography and History, and skipped way too many classes hunting down used cds at Cheap Thrills, or playing cards.

Working at Felix and Norton as a young adult was at first alot of fun; ultimately, I ascended to assistant manager, until my eventual burn out (and burned bridges) lead me to seek my fortunes away from the cookie-buying public. Answering phones next was boring, but at least I met my best friend and the love of my life in that gloomy office.

I eventually decided to return to my artistic roots.

To be continued...

Rainy Fall morning

One thing that my recent birthday shenanigans has reminded me of is how many people I've met in my four decades of life. It's heart-warming to realize that folk care enough to celebrate my special day, but I also find myself wondering about the lives of old aquaintances.

I will always treasure the memories and people I have encountered in my voyage through the tossling waves of my life.

On a related note, I'm a bit surprised by the number of 'friends' I have on Facebook; truth be told, the number of people I consider a friend is an extremely small number. Defining exactly what a 'friend' entails is a difficult and challenging proposition.

Countdown over

I wondered how I'd feel when this day would arrive; would it be melancholy, lamenting the passage of time, missed opportunities, paths not taken? Or perhaps excited about the propsects of launching new endeavors, using the date as an opportunity to start fresh?

In the end, I feel.... the same as yesterday.

Life is a journey, and isn't defined by numbers or a calender. My life has been a string of days, good and bad, (and uneventful), linking together to form a chain of personal history.

I'd like to think that I've grown over the past four decades, or at least become a wee bit wiser. I know that I still have growing to do, things to accomplish, and days to experience.

Hopefully, another forty years worth.

The magic of inks

Voila, inks add all of the details and give hints for the colorist.

I really had fun on this piece.

The mummy strikes

One of the projects I'm working on this week is a cover for a webcomic being developed by a friend of mine.

I thought it'd be fun to include the thumbnail version and pencilled piece, inks still to come.

Minus 3 days and counting...

I decided to rework my blog as a chance to reflect on starting a new phase of my life: hitting forty.

I'm still mulling over content and format, hopefully I'll have something figured out by Friday .

Rainy Thursday

It's tough to be disciplined to maintain a daily blog, but any entries feel like an accomplishment of sorts . It's not really a question of time, I suppose writing requires a specific frame of mind.

Watching The Biggest Loser the other night reminded me how fear should definitely not be an underlying motivating force in ones life; at the same time, dedication and discipline can easily tumble into obsession. It's essential to find a comfortable balance, based on moderation. Life can't be all work, with no play; nor can be it no work, and goofing around all day.

Life is simple, we all find ways to make it overly complicated.

A couple days later

Having the date as my title is quite redundant .

A larger font might go easier on the eyes as well; hey, I'm new at this....

I'm glad my car troubles weren't as serious as originally thought; I tried to keep a mellow attitude about the situation, and everything worked out fine in the end. Needless worry doesn't help things, but it's a tough habit to break.

One of my challenges is deciding whether or not to pursue webcomics, or publish in a more traditional format. I have interesting concepts, decent pencils already in the can, yet no time to ink/letter everything. We'll see how it goes....

04/27/09

I've wanted to do this a long time.

Actually, I'd toyed with the idea of a journal, but decided a blog might be an interesting format instead. I've recently discovered spasms of writing muscles thought long dormant; I figure the act of writing (in whatever frequency I'll accomplish) might exercise them, with the side-effect of being fun. We'll see .

I spent a lovely Saturday at the park with my daughters. Sitting in the shade of an oak tree made me reflect on what's really important in life. Too much time is wasted stressing about things that are quite inconsequential if viewed from a different perspective. I'll try to be a bit more mellow in the future, although that's a definite challenge.

The other thing I was reminded of was the reward of taking chances; I find myself locked in a comfort zone of daily routine, and doing things 'outside of the box' is frightening most times. Life should be about experience, and I must try to dive in without a second thought.

More tomorrow .